Becoming a Worldly Person

About 10 years ago my life changed forever. Together with my wife and baby girl, I left behind dozens of family members and scores of friends, and moved hastily to a new life in Atlanta, Georgia. Recent events have reminded me that without that move I would never have come close to achieving the accomplishments that define my life today. I am celebrating tonight and reminding you that sometimes, all you need to break out of a miserable situation is the courage to make the first big leap.

The year was 1998 and luckily for me the job market for Java programmers was white-hot! It took only about two weeks from the time I decided to move to secure a new position, even including a short flight down to Atlanta to scout out neighborhoods. Once the wheels were in motion everything moved very quickly. The new company paid for our relocation and we were on our way.

A few days before we actually left, I clearly remember walking up the brick stairs of the hundred-year old house that I grew up in and ringing the doorbell, knowing it would be one of the last times I would do so again. The front door opened and I drew a deep breath as I stepped through the old, creaky-floored foyer and sat down on the sofa. My parents accepted the surprise news sadly, but with a sense of resignation. Did they see it coming or were they just shocked? I had given them no warning and even worse I was taking away their first and only granddaughter.

What many people don’t realize, even many of my close friends and associates, is that the sudden relocation was not just a savvy career move – it was actually an important part of an escape plan. My wife and I had decided to leave, for the sake of our sanity, to put distance not just between our immediate family and us, but more importantly, to gain some breathing room. Freedom beckoned loudly and with great appeal after a lifetime of involuntary servitude. We had been born into, but were about to break free of a cultish organization devilishly determined to undermine our happiness: Jehovah’s Witnesses!

The following will undoubtedly sound harsh to anyone unfamiliar with the machinations of fundamentalist religious institutions, but serves to illustrate the gravity of the situation: My explicit instructions to my mom and dad were clear: “Respect our privacy! If you want to see Taylor or us again, do not tell anyone in the congregation where we’ve moved to or how to get in contact with us.”

At the time, I was particularly concerned that the elders would “come after us”, so to speak. But what could they do? This is still a free country isn’t it? Not against people that wield mind control and spiritual damnation as their weapons. To face the elders would be to risk disfellowshipping for apostasy, excommunication from all of our friends and family still stuck inside the church. You see, willful abandonment of the faith is the absolute worst sin that one of Jehovah’s Witnesses can commit.

Since we were trying to leave the church, wouldn’t excommunication just help us be done with it more conclusively? The thing is, at the time we were alone in our journey out of the cult. Almost all of our immediate family and friends were still in the church – speaking to or associating with someone who is disfellowshipped is also an offense worthy of excommunication – to allow it would introduce a lifetime impediment to open and free communication with most of our friends and family. I assure you that the threat of shunning is a very effective tool for mind-control.

Luckily ten years ago there was a loophole, which may not exist anymore. Just disappear! After temporary confusion, the congregation elders would basically shrug and continue on with their lives. So that’s exactly what we did. We did not play by their rules. We used our intellect, summoned the necessary courage and made our own rules. Importantly, we rejected the will of the faithful and discrete slave, a term that the Watchtower uses to describe the group of old men that govern their religion, based on a perverted translation and interpretation of Matthew 24:14.

In that verse Jesus asks: “Who is that faithful and discreet slave, that took care of his master’s goods until his return? He will be rewarded... blah, blah, blah” (Quote from memory and probably off a bit) According to the Jehovah’s Witnesses, the governing body of the Watchtower Bible and Tract Society is that slave, of course! Because they say that they are! It’s pure, unadulterated circular-reasoning bullshit of the finest vintage, and believe it or not it’s the only text in the bible that the whole farcical JW house of cards is built upon.

That I’m not able to erase that bible verse from my mind, despite years of hardcore atheism is a testament to how often it was drilled forcefully into my unwilling self.

Perhaps today it is easier to fade away from the cult, but ten years ago I was certain that we would face some degree of persecution from the local elders in Georgia, if they could find us. That’s why under a veil of secrecy and nine-hundred miles of interstate later, I began a new life in the sunny south of this country, asked everyone I met to just call me “Obie” and got busy living the rest of my life as a worldly person.

Now the term “worldly person” is what Jehovah’s Witnesses cult members call non-believers and is always used in a derogatory sense. Ironically, to everyone else it means, “experienced and sophisticated”. In that spirit, tonight I raise my cup in a toast to everyone that has had the courage to break free from the shackles of fundamentalist religious belief, of the Jehovah’s Witness variety or otherwise. I salute your courage and resolve and wish you the best of success in all your endeavors.

Comments

[Robby Russell]

I commend you for coming out and sharing your story. Glad to know another atheist in the community. :-)

[Steve B]

Obie--wow. Who knew.

I went through a similar--but not nearly as severe--a transformation around that time. Essentially deconverting from evangelical Christianity. Not nearly as cultish as what you had to endure but brainwashing in a similar vein.

I wound up getting divorced because of my "coming out"--with my wife getting more religious as time went by and I getting less religious.

I thought at the time that I'd lose my friends and my family by stopping the cognitive dissonance that was going through my mind--thinking one thing and having to be another person.

So in the end I did lose part of my family--my sister won't have anything to do with me and now I have a daughter who has one parent who is a holy roller and another who doesn't believe in any god. And next week she gets baptized at the church her mom goes to all the time. I'll be there with my wife and two young sons to support my daughter all the while thinking this is bollocks.

So hats of to you Obie--and family. Hats off for doing what you thought was right and getting yourself out of that situation and forging a new life. It takes guts to do what you did and I'm glad to hear that life has treated you well. Your light truly shines before people in a way that they see your good works. ;)

--Steve

[Lucas Húngaro]

Well, thanks! And I salute you too!

Let's taste the freedom. :)

[Norman Clarke]

Just when you think you have difficult decisions to make, you read something like this and realize just how easy your life is. That decision took some major cojones.

My sister in law's family also left the Jehovah's Witnesses when she was 16; she didn't celebrate Christmas for the first time until she was a teenager. She still has the most "Christmas spirit" of anyone I've ever met, knowing full well all the crass commercialism that goes along with it - growing up without it made something special for her.

Knowing little about the religion I don't have anything against Jehovah's Witnesses - to each his own really. I'm just glad to hear that you were able to break off and do your own thing, and be happy doing it. Thanks for sharing that surprising and inspiring story.

[Rick Bradley]

Obie,
I'm glad you made it out, man. Thanks for telling us your story.

Many props,
Rick

[Kirby]

Left the JW cult and became one of the leaders in the Ruby and Rails cult. Good choice :)

[David]

I was once a Jehovah's Witnesses myself. I recall most people in the congregation were very loving and caring people. Maybe you had a different experience. But from what I remember I really cannot say too much bad things about the folks.

Btw, if you lookup the word "worldly" it's defined as: "of, relating to, or devoted to this world and its pursuits rather than to religion or spiritual affairs."

As I recall from my old bible studies, they always taught me to "love thy enemy." haha. I'm not saying I can follow that, but I felt that most people from the congregation are genuinely good people. I can't say the same for most the people I've met.

True freedom comes from one's willingness look beyond our differences. Not to be bound by only one's "belief." When you can do that, maybe then, you'll become the "worldly" person that you wanted to be.

[Josh N. Abbott]

I've been reading your blog for a while and have seen you at a few conferences, but this time I thought I should comment: Nice Work!!! Keep it up!

[Rein Henrichs]

@David Not to start a religious debate, but "love thine enemy" is a rather immoral sanction. I have a hard time conceiving a situation where "genuinely good people" would be my enemies.

@Obie I can't even imagine what that experience must have been like for you. I'm just glad you made it out and I only hope that your friends and family members who are still inside will eventually do so as well. Thank you for talking to me about it.

[@Li0n]

Glad you made it, Obie. I'm having a virtual/digital drink with you tonight, my friend.